I was recently reminded of how precious and fragile life is. My uncle passed away a few days before Thanksgiving. While it was a time of celebration, gatherings, and joy for many, it was a very sad time for my family. Holidays that come after the loss of a loved one have special meaning for us. These dates are painful reminders that we will never see our loved one again, and that life will go on without him or her, whether or not we like it.

While the holidays can be difficult, there are some things you can do to make it a little easier. Below are some tips on how to get through it.

1. Plan ahead-When you are grieving your emotions are incredibly strong and unpredictable. Will I be having a good day or even a good afternoon? When you are grieving surprises are not always helpful. Plan ahead so that you and your family members are well aware of the events of the day. It will not only reduce the element of surprise, it will put your mind at ease.
2. Make tentative plans-The grieving process sometimes feels like you are on an emotional rollercoaster. It is hard to know how you will be feeling on any particular day. Therefore, if you are invited to a party or gathering, your response can be “that sounds like fun-let me give you a tentative yes”.  This allows you the opportunity to change your mind if necessary.
3. Surround yourself with loved ones-Be with those that love you and care about you. Let them know what you need-and be however you need to be that day.
4. Take care of yourself physically-Make sure to get plenty of rest, and try and exercise if you feel up to it. Taking care of our physical bodies helps our mental state as well.
5. Take care of yourself mentally-Be kind to yourself. Losing someone close to you is extremely painful. Allow yourself to just be. Whether you are angry, sad, in denial-you have a right to feel however you are going to feel.  Do not judge your feelings. The sooner you let them in, the sooner you will be able to let them go.
6. Set realistic and reasonable expectations-The first holiday after a loss can be incredibly difficult. Set your own limits and take care of yourself. The more you can plan ahead and relax leading into the holiday, the easier it will be.
7. Do what is most meaningful to you-Think about what is going to make you the most comfortable and don’t feel like you need to do anything more. This is your time to grieve-it is your own, personal process to go through.
8. Be honest with yourself and those around you-Let others know how you are doing. Whether you are sad, needing space, or needing more time to talk about your loved one-make sure to communicate how you are doing.
9. Practice self-compassion-This is going to be a hard day and that’s okay. Don’t judge yourself or compare yourself to others. Be kind to yourself. This is your grieving process-and you will get through it the best way you know how.
10. Breathe-As simple as this sounds, don’t forget to stop and come up for air. Take a deep breath, reach out to a loved one, and take care of yourself.